still have a toehold

Great news--my toe shows no sign of infection! This may not seem incredible, but in February I had a hideous infection on the right foot. I started to think of it as the wrong foot. There is still some very minor wigginess at the sight of that infection--which I am happy to ignore. If Monday night's stupid injury can heal up nicely with no doctors or nurses involved, I will be one happy camper.

I say that, and immediately you should become suspicious. Her, happy? Really and truly, the toe thing, minor as it was, could represent a victory. I am still happy when my blood pressure scores normal. That took a bit of work last fall. I am also happy to have low cholesterol, no sign of diabetes, and a really healthy-looking liver according to an imaging tech. Hell, I'm still happy to have an explanation for my squiffy knee and the fatigue. Good things.

Here comes today's "but". I had an interview today for a position I am not sure I want. But I dusted off the resume and a suit, and worked on a very positive attitude. I thought I was pretty ok. Then they handed me a sheet on the qualifications that I had not received with the description. It said "must be able to lift 50 lbs. and push a book truck weighing over 200 lbs."

It shouldn't have hit me hard. I'd already considered that getting a new position would require another physical and medical clearance (it's outsourced, of course). But seeing those numbers in print was somehow a sucker punch. I know the whole schtick with getting a letter from my neurologist and requesting accommodation. But I went through all that grief with that other library system last fall. Even though they eventually offered me the job, it was grudgingly. So grudgingly that I said no. Let's face it, even though ADA says no one can discriminate on the basis of disability, no one wants an employee with MS. It's too big a wild card.

Part of me can still say, well, that's their stupidity. Part of me wants to prove them wrong desperately. I'm going to try to listen to the part that says I am going to keep doing my best. I really like my job and the people I work with. It's no hardship. My co-workers do not mind at all if I ask them to lift a box or push a book truck. Really, I am not paid a professional salary for my brawn, thank goodness. I'm going to concentrate on wisely using the resources I have to offer--and still celebrate my victories, even by a toe.