Tuesday, October 9, 2007


I stubbed my toe last night. Actually, I sliced a bit of flesh off. Much blood and stinging that way only toes sting when they are hurt. No big deal, just kind of the capper on a day I was severely overtired.

I slept through the night on Saturday. That is an unusual enough occurrence, that I actually celebrated. It was wonderful. A full night's sleep without hot flashes or muscle spasms. I have no idea what I did right, but I would love to do it again. I'm thinking one solid night a week and I could be a happy human.

Of course, Sunday night was a disaster. I doubt I got four hours. When I got up, it was obvious that my legs hadn't gotten the memo. But I soldiered on and went to work. I bumbled around there a bit. At one point, when I was weeding a high shelf, I decided I had to take a bathroom break. So I went into the bathroom and contemplated going home early. But, I had a shrink appointment scheduled for after work, and I didn't want to go home and then have to go back out to go to the shrink. So I did my best energizer bunny routine, but I doubt anyone thought I was 1) happy to be there 2) doing very good work.

I had to take a different route than usual route from work, as I needed to drop off materials at a neighboring branch. Then I did the classic California freeway thing of being in the wrong lane, and nearly got killed by an unchivalrous pick-up truck that did not want to let me in his lane. I was also driving into the setting sun, so that whole trip was fraught...My vision isn't that great to start. I am getting very nervous about it. Then on the way home from the shrink, I took the wrong exit. Oh, I forgot to mention that I missed my exit for work this morning. Only the second time I've done that. Tomorrow, I have to go to a meeting at Solana Beach in the morning--another great opportunity to get lost!

It may not seem that related to anything, but when I am fatigued (the MS kind--here comes a big fat quote):

Fatigue is a sensation that is both universal to all and very specific to people who have multiple sclerosis. The fatigue that all people experience is due to tiredness and weakness affecting muscles after exercises or exertion. In multiple sclerosis, that fatigue that many people have is rather different since the nervous system as well as the muscles are involved.

The cause of MS fatigue is not fully understood. What may happen is that great difficulty is experienced in the transmission of nerve impulses along demyelinated nerves. The strength of the impulses is much reduced, resulting in feelings of weakness and tiredness. Sensory nerves as well as motor nerves are involved in this kind of fatigue.

Fatigue of motor nerves can cause weakness, a tired heavy feeling of muscles, incoordination and shakiness. Fatigue of sensory nerves, which help us to see, to hear, to taste, to smell and enable us to distinguish how objects feel, can cause problems in one or more of these senses. When we are fatigued, we don't just experience a heaviness, but we may also have blurred vision, numbness, or other difficulties in the sensory system.

So that's the kind of fatigue I was having yesterday--motor and sensory. Actually, I still haven't recovered from aquatics. I know that sounds crazy, but there have been so many times it's taken 6-8 weeks to heal up after an episode. I don't think I had a full-fledged MS attack from the aquatics, but I don't just recover from stuff. That was actually my primary symptom long before I was dianosed with MS.

Then I got home last night, did the breakfast dishes, and started dinner. When Matt got home, he was very grumbly about the bad day he'd had at work due to a co-worker's inconsideration. I grumbled back. We ate dinner, then I did the dishes to cut Matt some slack, even though I was having difficulty standing at the sink. I'm getting so used to fighting through the fatigue, that I don't listen to my body's signals. So, at bedtime, after emailing Em because I didn't hear from her at all this weekend, I stumbled in the kitchen and somehow sliced a piece off the middle toe of the right foot.

Much blood, as only a flesh wound can bleed. But it did stop. I took a hydrocodone, and slept ok, if drugged sleeping counts. I was scheduled to work 11:30-8 today. Before I took the hydrocodone, I had already decided that I would call in and just go in for the late night--4-8. So now I'm going to go back to bed for a bit. I'll pick up around the house, then shower and get a hair cut later...it will be ok.

Matt disapproved of me going in late, because I have a promotional interview tomorrow. I think it's important that I get more rest...I don't think he realizes how hard I've been pushing myself. It's that whole "but you look fine" thing. Oh, well. I am tired.

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