Heart full of rubber bands

Actually, most of me feels full of rubber bands. I think it is the MS reaction to the antibiotics. My legs started getting really squiffy yesterday. Today, it's International Walk-Like-A-Drunken-Sailor Day, right? That's how I look, lurching around. We went out briefly, a food coop, library, drug store run. I had to stay in the car or rest on benches most of the time. I hate when the Camille routine crops up when I have things I want to do. Grrr.

I know that both my primary care and my neuro would say that I was crazy to do anything this week, let alone to work four eight-hour days. I think I'm supposed to write myself off as on disability on a semi-part time, semi-permanent basis. Meanwhile, I am scheduled to work tomorrow. My current plan is to go in, play the itty-bitty violin a bit, and spend most of the day in the office. Of course, I try that plan regularly and end up spending most of the day standing and walking around helping people. It's a mug's game.

So I am back to feeling sorry for myself. I can barely stand it myself, besides being barely able to stand. I still have the low-level headache that I have been blaming on the Doxycycline. Only two more doses left--yeah. So I am hoping the headache and some of the neuro misfires will ride off into the sunset together. Then I am going to try Paxil, which my neuro prescribed in April, but which I did not try then. First I have to get off all the cold meds. Then I need to start on a weekend I am not working, to see if there is more drowsiness or if motor function is affected.

I am going to try Paxil, in hopes that it will lessen the hot flashes. They have been much more frequent lately, and really interrupt sleep. Though Paxil is mainly an anti-depressant, it seems to have some effect on hot flashes and muscle spasms. I am pretty nervous about taking it. I tried it many years ago and had a panic attack the first time I took it. Then, years later, my brother had a manic attack after stopping Paxil too quickly. I know that going into it with that knowledge makes me forewarned/forearmed. I'm still nervous about it. But I can't keep complaining and then refuse to try treatments. So I may try it next weekend, or I may not. Will discuss with shrink tomorrow night.

my legs hate me and other non-news

I can't really remember where I left off in my whining. I know I blogged about The Geriatric Aquatics Class That Killed Me. Its deadliness has continued. I stayed home and licked my wounds all Monday afternoon. I returned to work on Tues. a.m. My knee was still buckling a little, but I thought it would be ok. Around 10:30, i.e., half an hour after opening, the knee completely went out from under me. I was standing at the circ desk, doing a new card registration when I took a swan dive. One of my colleagues ran over and took over the transaction. I thanked her and hobbled into the break room. I took a break (in the morning--how novel!), then hobbled back to the reference desk. The operations manager was very concerned about my safety. I agreed I would leave when the other librarian arrived. I ended up leaving at 1:00.

I had already scheduled myself off on Wed. to do the prep for the colonoscopy on Thursday. So I went in and worked 9:15-12:15, taking care not to push the knee at all. it was still unhappy, and buckled when I squatted down to get books off a botton shelf, but I got through it ok.

Then it was off to Target to pick up the prep. I'd been trying to get it since Sat. It was non-formulary (i.e., not on the plan's approved list), like every other prescription I've gotten in the last two years. When I'm really so freaking healthy that I have nothing else to whine about, I will carry on and on and on about my prescription plan some day. They really do take the cake. They claim to cover just about everything; in reality, they refuse to cover almost everything. (But they do cover Copaxone, street price $20,000/year. So mustn't grumble.) So the pharmacist kept faxing the GI-man to see if she could substitute a similar prep that was soooo formulary as to not have a co-pay. But GI man never responded to her messages or mine, so I shelled out $57 for something I knew would give me the runs.

The prep was as unpleasant as imaginable. Of course, I didn't follow the clock at all--took four hours instead of one to start, then went on for 8 hours instead of one. This did not surprise me in the least. The procedure was scheduled for 1:30 p.m. I had a little Gatorade and a little water in the morning because I was getting very dehydrated. This really concerned the nurse who admitted me at first, but then when she tried to set up my IV, she couldn't get a vein because I was too dehydrated. So everything got delayed while I got poked by multiple nurses. Fourth attempt was finally successful, though I'll be wearing long sleeves for at least a week.

The colonoscopy was blessedly uneventful. No signs of anything, though they still did some small biopsies. I get to go back in three weeks for a consult. Oh boy!

I have again run out of time to work on this post. More gory stories about my gut to come.

to every thing

Started Tuesday. I really was feeling good for about a week. I planned to do a post saying, see, I'm not whining! I still have to make a note of it so I don't forget it can happen. Whatever sucker-punched me last night did not magically disappear this morning.

Wednesday. Left leg still feels like somebody tied a few knots in the ligaments or something. Stretching has an effect for about two minutes, and then it's right back to cramping and aching. I'm putting it down to MS--I didn't fall or anything, it just seized up. Meanwhile more medical notes:

Got a letter from the new primary saying that my blood results were normal except for high levels of calcium and sodium. "Please drink plenty of water daily and we will recheck at next visit. HBA1C test is normal. Negative test for diabetes."

I guess this is sort of good, since the sugar level last test was what worried her. Also, getting a form letter with a stamped signature means it is obviously less acute than when I've gotten phone calls from nurses and doctors with test results. Since I NEVER leave an internist's office without orders for blood tests, i barely care she wants a redo on these.

She doesn't say to reduce calcium, which I do take. When my thyroid was removed (1997, I think. Should try to nail the procedure dates down--maybe a sidebar??), the surgeon had to remove much of my parathyroids. They regulate calcium absorption. So, he told me to take calcium. I was also told I was at risk for osteoporosis way back when I was pregnant and didn't gain enough weight (another long story). So I am cutting one dose of calcium per day experimentally. This playing pharmacist for myself stuff does get silly. The new internist made noises about not playing with dosages on my own. I am careful. I was asking her for guidance on when to take which painkiller. She basically said to stay away from the Hydrocodone. I only use it to sleep with intense pain, like a broken rib. Speaking of which...

I saw the pulmonologist yesterday. He said my PFT results were good for someone with asthma, but he wants to redo it in six months. He was very concerned about the fractured rib. When the baby internist called to cofirm there was a fracture, she was very offhand about it. The pulmonologist wasn't sure the PFT last week wouldn't still be impacted by it. He also couldn't believe I'd walked around with it for ten days before I got care. Another lecture on the evils of high pain tolerance. More about the lungs and the heart as well--did you know they are intimately related? Sorry about the sarcasm. I can never believe how many times I am given that talk. In addition, the chest Xray from June showed fluid in the lungs. It was possibly from the trauma to the ribs, but maybe also pleurisy. Of course I thought immediately of The Glass Menagerie and "blue roses."

The upshot is he wants another chest Xray. I plan to do it Friday before or after the pelvic ultrsound. At least I can get them done in the same place and time--as I fritter away the 8 hours of sick leave I actually amassed in July and August!

Pulmo-man also talked quite a bit about Serevent. Technically, Serevent did not make me delusional, sleep deprivation did. Serevent can cause insomnia. Some discussion of isomers and beta-receptors. He said that at some point we might try Xopenex, as rthat has an isomer stripped off. I was very grateful I'd paid a little attention to the Offspring's chemistry homework. I'm sure isomers were ever mentioned when I took chemistry, but at least I have a clue. Basically, I should keep my albuterol inhaler handy in case of a severe breathing problem.

I still don't take the asthma very seriously. He asked me if I get out of breath walking more than one or two blocks. I explained that I do little walking because of weakness in my legs. I will start trying to pay more attention as to whether my air intake is affected or has an affect.

K-one more moan groan. Mi piernas dolor!