Your milage may very

I have not abandoned this blog. At least not permanently. I did hit a slough of despond there for a while. All I wanted to do was sleep or read. I felt like I didn't have anything to say to anyone, in conversation or in writing...

I've stayed on the antidepressant, even though it seems to have made things worse rather than better. Hubba Hubba told me 12/26, when he increased the dosage to 30 mgs that I should feel better in about 10 days. I didn't. But I persevered. For my birthday, Matt gave me a stationary bicycle. Then we looked at the set up instructions. They were way past our level. So, on New Year's Eve Day, we had our friend Joe come over and he and Matt put it together. Yeah! I can now bike to nowhere in the comfort of my own bedroom.

I started riding 5 minutes a day, and have increased to 11 at this point. Doesn't seem like much, but I think if I can get it up to 20 min. a day, it should make a difference at least in my cardio health. Plus, when I went to the primary care on Tues., my blood pressure was 125/84. Golden numbers for me.

The visit with the primary care was just routine follow up. However, I have had a new wrinkle crop up. I have three dime-sized lumps on my scalp. I thought they were a zit at first, or a new mole. But they didn't pop. They did itch, and I had great difficulty not scratching. And they had begun to hurt. So it was time someone looked at them. Madam Milktoast said they were an infection, and prescribed an antibiotic and a steroid liquid topical thing, Fluocinonide. Another lecture on the dangers of skin infections. I had to ask, since this is the third one in less than a year, is it due to the Copaxone. I should discuss that with my neurologist. I should call this number in 5 days for a dermatology consult. The word biopsy was uttered. I immediately flashed on the skin biopsies I had 2 years ago that didn't heal properly. I think the under bra side one never will at this point, but it is mostly a souvenir.

OK, fill prescriptions, etc. In 3 days, the lumps no longer hurt, but they haven't gotten much smaller. Oh well. Then yesterday, I get a call from Shiela, Milktoast's nurse. They got back my labs. My TSH (thyroid stimulating hormone) was a 0.06 on Tues. Normal range is .5-5.5? I am seriously low. Gee, maybe that's why I've been so tired and down! Hyperthyroidism. I'm sad to say, no weight loss. Change dosage of thyroid hormone and dance.

I am wondering why, if I went eight years, 1997-2005 without a change in my thyroid levels, why is this the third change in 1.5 years? Once again, is it the disease or the treatment?

unimpressive antidepressant

I've been taking Lexipro for over three weeks now, and the results have not been spectacular. I have also caught yet another cold, and been trying to sandwich Christmas preparations into the day as well, like the rest of North America. I am actually in pretty good shape on that front, though I haven't decorated the house much.

So, mainly the Lexapro seems to make me feel flat. I don't much want to do anything. I haven't felt like I have anything to say. That includes conversation and writing. Since I usually run off at the mouth without applying the breaks, this is pretty unusual for me. I've pretty much had to force myself to do things.

I've also had a huge increase in flatulence, which is pretty embarrassing in a public service job. There's also been weight gain, and I haven't been doing my physical therapy exercises. I just stopped at some point because they didn't seem to be helping. Now I feel like some kind of slug. I am going to try to buck up and do more. If nothing else, I need to firm up, or buy a new wardrobe. Of course, shopping is another activity that is very difficult.

I see the psychiatrist tomorrow night. When I saw him three weeks ago, he thought I would be feeling much better by now. He said if I wasn't, he would increase the dose. What a great way to spend my four-day mini-vacation! OK, I've vented a bit.

long time no type

Been busy. Three doctors and a therapist appointment last week. Overdoing it, besides. I have been sleeping better. I had a weird earlobe explosion. I am contemplating giving up pierced ears. I just don't need something that gets infected. Even little infections can have serious effects on me. I am continuing to view every medical eventwith great caution. It may seem silly to some, or hypochondrical, but I am the person in charge of this vessel. Staying afloat is a major goal.

I received a wheel chair yesterday. It's a loaner, but the company doing the rental told me I can keep it as long as I need. Of course, it's like another piece of furniture in the house. It is currently parked by the bicycle. It is a lightweight, folding model. However, it is too large for my trunk, even if I cleared out the stuff. It just made it into the back seat, with the foot holders off. Besides my general ambivalence, I'm not sure where/how to keep it. I don't like driving with it in the back seat. It obscures the rearview mirror, and shifts around a bit on corners. Maybe a bike rack would work?

I also really wish it had arrived on Friday, as planned. The rain screwed up their deliveries. I didn't go to the OB parade...too much walking...sad to have missed it.

Saved by the script doctor (non-union)

To get out of the emergency room last Sat. (I may fill you in on it more later) I had to promise to take Zyprexa until I could see my primary care or neurologist. Then I went home and took one and my gross motor skills went south. I was none too happy, but since I slept 11 hours straight I decided to stick with it.

I have been taking it religiously, but not feeling much better. Unfortunately, I only had a few left from the spring--not even enough to last until my p.c. visit next Monday...

First, I called my neurostar's office and left a voice message. I did not hear back from them. The neuro-resident in the ER had told me she wasn't available then either. So I'm thinking she's in France, like in April, skiing Gstaad or something. I know she works hard, but why do I have crises when she's out of town? But, I digress.

Neuro's office called the next day to tell me to go through either the neuro clinic at the hospital or my primary care. So, next, I called primary care and talked to a nurse. The nurse felt I should go through the neuro resident that first prescribed Zyprexa, wherever he may be.

Then I remembered the trick-cyclist I saw last spring after my delusional episode, Dr. Full of Himself. He's an M.D. psychiatrist with another degree or two in pharmacology. Actually, I generally refer to him a "Hubba Hubba." So I called his office. I have the habit of putting business cards in my billfold. Once again, that came in handy. Himself could not reorder without seeing me again. Hubba had openings that afternoon (yesterday) or today. I conferred with the Boyfriend, and today at 1:30 worked best with his schedule. Truly a rotten way to spend vacation hours. Will have to try to make it up somehow.

Hubba asked me the usual 20 questions about where and how I was and when. He decided I have been mildly depressed for a few months. I should discontinue Zyprexa--wrong drug. I strongly felt that was worth the co-pay. I asked about Paxil. He said he didn't recommend it because a primary side effect is weight gain. (I didn't realize he was calling me fat until I got home. It's true. Am a pudge. Blaming lack of exercise plus strong desire for chocolates.) Anyway, he is putting me on Lexapro aka Escitalopram. Here's what Medline says are the side effects:

* nausea
* diarrhea
* constipation
* changes in sex drive or ability
* drowsiness
* increased sweating
* dizziness
* heartburn
* stomach pain
* excessive tiredness
* dry mouth
* increased appetite
* flu-like symptoms
* runny nose
* sneezing

Since I had vast bouts of nausea on Sat., I really hope I skip that one! I'll keep you posted--I'm hoping as a happier camper.

N.B. Isn't that a wonderful image? My friend Jenne just found it when looking for an avatar--somehow it's related to a librarian in Russia? Anyway, I love it.

my legs hate me and other non-news

I can't really remember where I left off in my whining. I know I blogged about The Geriatric Aquatics Class That Killed Me. Its deadliness has continued. I stayed home and licked my wounds all Monday afternoon. I returned to work on Tues. a.m. My knee was still buckling a little, but I thought it would be ok. Around 10:30, i.e., half an hour after opening, the knee completely went out from under me. I was standing at the circ desk, doing a new card registration when I took a swan dive. One of my colleagues ran over and took over the transaction. I thanked her and hobbled into the break room. I took a break (in the morning--how novel!), then hobbled back to the reference desk. The operations manager was very concerned about my safety. I agreed I would leave when the other librarian arrived. I ended up leaving at 1:00.

I had already scheduled myself off on Wed. to do the prep for the colonoscopy on Thursday. So I went in and worked 9:15-12:15, taking care not to push the knee at all. it was still unhappy, and buckled when I squatted down to get books off a botton shelf, but I got through it ok.

Then it was off to Target to pick up the prep. I'd been trying to get it since Sat. It was non-formulary (i.e., not on the plan's approved list), like every other prescription I've gotten in the last two years. When I'm really so freaking healthy that I have nothing else to whine about, I will carry on and on and on about my prescription plan some day. They really do take the cake. They claim to cover just about everything; in reality, they refuse to cover almost everything. (But they do cover Copaxone, street price $20,000/year. So mustn't grumble.) So the pharmacist kept faxing the GI-man to see if she could substitute a similar prep that was soooo formulary as to not have a co-pay. But GI man never responded to her messages or mine, so I shelled out $57 for something I knew would give me the runs.

The prep was as unpleasant as imaginable. Of course, I didn't follow the clock at all--took four hours instead of one to start, then went on for 8 hours instead of one. This did not surprise me in the least. The procedure was scheduled for 1:30 p.m. I had a little Gatorade and a little water in the morning because I was getting very dehydrated. This really concerned the nurse who admitted me at first, but then when she tried to set up my IV, she couldn't get a vein because I was too dehydrated. So everything got delayed while I got poked by multiple nurses. Fourth attempt was finally successful, though I'll be wearing long sleeves for at least a week.

The colonoscopy was blessedly uneventful. No signs of anything, though they still did some small biopsies. I get to go back in three weeks for a consult. Oh boy!

I have again run out of time to work on this post. More gory stories about my gut to come.

to every thing

Started Tuesday. I really was feeling good for about a week. I planned to do a post saying, see, I'm not whining! I still have to make a note of it so I don't forget it can happen. Whatever sucker-punched me last night did not magically disappear this morning.

Wednesday. Left leg still feels like somebody tied a few knots in the ligaments or something. Stretching has an effect for about two minutes, and then it's right back to cramping and aching. I'm putting it down to MS--I didn't fall or anything, it just seized up. Meanwhile more medical notes:

Got a letter from the new primary saying that my blood results were normal except for high levels of calcium and sodium. "Please drink plenty of water daily and we will recheck at next visit. HBA1C test is normal. Negative test for diabetes."

I guess this is sort of good, since the sugar level last test was what worried her. Also, getting a form letter with a stamped signature means it is obviously less acute than when I've gotten phone calls from nurses and doctors with test results. Since I NEVER leave an internist's office without orders for blood tests, i barely care she wants a redo on these.

She doesn't say to reduce calcium, which I do take. When my thyroid was removed (1997, I think. Should try to nail the procedure dates down--maybe a sidebar??), the surgeon had to remove much of my parathyroids. They regulate calcium absorption. So, he told me to take calcium. I was also told I was at risk for osteoporosis way back when I was pregnant and didn't gain enough weight (another long story). So I am cutting one dose of calcium per day experimentally. This playing pharmacist for myself stuff does get silly. The new internist made noises about not playing with dosages on my own. I am careful. I was asking her for guidance on when to take which painkiller. She basically said to stay away from the Hydrocodone. I only use it to sleep with intense pain, like a broken rib. Speaking of which...

I saw the pulmonologist yesterday. He said my PFT results were good for someone with asthma, but he wants to redo it in six months. He was very concerned about the fractured rib. When the baby internist called to cofirm there was a fracture, she was very offhand about it. The pulmonologist wasn't sure the PFT last week wouldn't still be impacted by it. He also couldn't believe I'd walked around with it for ten days before I got care. Another lecture on the evils of high pain tolerance. More about the lungs and the heart as well--did you know they are intimately related? Sorry about the sarcasm. I can never believe how many times I am given that talk. In addition, the chest Xray from June showed fluid in the lungs. It was possibly from the trauma to the ribs, but maybe also pleurisy. Of course I thought immediately of The Glass Menagerie and "blue roses."

The upshot is he wants another chest Xray. I plan to do it Friday before or after the pelvic ultrsound. At least I can get them done in the same place and time--as I fritter away the 8 hours of sick leave I actually amassed in July and August!

Pulmo-man also talked quite a bit about Serevent. Technically, Serevent did not make me delusional, sleep deprivation did. Serevent can cause insomnia. Some discussion of isomers and beta-receptors. He said that at some point we might try Xopenex, as rthat has an isomer stripped off. I was very grateful I'd paid a little attention to the Offspring's chemistry homework. I'm sure isomers were ever mentioned when I took chemistry, but at least I have a clue. Basically, I should keep my albuterol inhaler handy in case of a severe breathing problem.

I still don't take the asthma very seriously. He asked me if I get out of breath walking more than one or two blocks. I explained that I do little walking because of weakness in my legs. I will start trying to pay more attention as to whether my air intake is affected or has an affect.

K-one more moan groan. Mi piernas dolor!