Your milage may very

I have not abandoned this blog. At least not permanently. I did hit a slough of despond there for a while. All I wanted to do was sleep or read. I felt like I didn't have anything to say to anyone, in conversation or in writing...

I've stayed on the antidepressant, even though it seems to have made things worse rather than better. Hubba Hubba told me 12/26, when he increased the dosage to 30 mgs that I should feel better in about 10 days. I didn't. But I persevered. For my birthday, Matt gave me a stationary bicycle. Then we looked at the set up instructions. They were way past our level. So, on New Year's Eve Day, we had our friend Joe come over and he and Matt put it together. Yeah! I can now bike to nowhere in the comfort of my own bedroom.

I started riding 5 minutes a day, and have increased to 11 at this point. Doesn't seem like much, but I think if I can get it up to 20 min. a day, it should make a difference at least in my cardio health. Plus, when I went to the primary care on Tues., my blood pressure was 125/84. Golden numbers for me.

The visit with the primary care was just routine follow up. However, I have had a new wrinkle crop up. I have three dime-sized lumps on my scalp. I thought they were a zit at first, or a new mole. But they didn't pop. They did itch, and I had great difficulty not scratching. And they had begun to hurt. So it was time someone looked at them. Madam Milktoast said they were an infection, and prescribed an antibiotic and a steroid liquid topical thing, Fluocinonide. Another lecture on the dangers of skin infections. I had to ask, since this is the third one in less than a year, is it due to the Copaxone. I should discuss that with my neurologist. I should call this number in 5 days for a dermatology consult. The word biopsy was uttered. I immediately flashed on the skin biopsies I had 2 years ago that didn't heal properly. I think the under bra side one never will at this point, but it is mostly a souvenir.

OK, fill prescriptions, etc. In 3 days, the lumps no longer hurt, but they haven't gotten much smaller. Oh well. Then yesterday, I get a call from Shiela, Milktoast's nurse. They got back my labs. My TSH (thyroid stimulating hormone) was a 0.06 on Tues. Normal range is .5-5.5? I am seriously low. Gee, maybe that's why I've been so tired and down! Hyperthyroidism. I'm sad to say, no weight loss. Change dosage of thyroid hormone and dance.

I am wondering why, if I went eight years, 1997-2005 without a change in my thyroid levels, why is this the third change in 1.5 years? Once again, is it the disease or the treatment?

what is and isn't wrong

OK, I've been feeling like I don't have much to say. This applies across the board--conversation, blogs, twitter. There's been a lot of nothing. I've been wondering if this is the "flat" feeling that my brother told me he had on Paxil. No highs, no lows. Though it feels kid of low. Hubba Hubba upped my Lexapro dose to 30 mgs last week, and told me it wouldn't take effect for about 10 days. It has been seven. I wonder what happens if that doesn't work. Try another medication? Have to titer down off this one first? Just guessing. Then I wonder, maybe I'm not depressed? I always think back to the period at the end of my marriage. I really did feel like a black cloud above my head followed me around. At times, the black cloud came down and closed me off from everything. That was my definition of being depressed.

Crochet is going ok. I have now mastered the half double crochet stitch. Not that I know what I am going to do with it. Soon, I will look at baby blanket patterns, so I can crochet something for Kelly's baby by April. The crochet is calming. I wish I could do it all day.

The Lexapro does seem to be causing some bruising. Not like Coumadin, but almost every injection leaves a small bruise now. I am still religious about rotating the sites. I really don't want to damage the tissue.

I also have some strange bumps on my scalp. They started with one bump around Thanksgiving. Now there are two large bumps and some smaller ones. They are not painful, but itchy. I will have to show them to my primary care at my appointment next week.